


Your number and a side of coffee

by alchemicalTyphoon



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-10 02:04:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5564770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alchemicalTyphoon/pseuds/alchemicalTyphoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s a coffee shop AU. Joker owns a coffee shop and James and Garrus work for him. Customers Steve and FemShep walk in and a scuffle happens. No actual coffees are sold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your number and a side of coffee

**Your number and a side of coffee**

“I’ll have your number then.”

“Uh… What?”

As a barista, James Vega was used to hearing all sorts of coffee orders, from a simple drip coffee to that triple chocolate caramel mocha latte monstrosity he was NOT going to think about… But this… “Your number” was something he hadn’t heard of until now. Huh. There must be something new on the menu.

“I said, I’ll have your number.”

James tried to subtly catch his friend’s attention, but it didn’t work so well considering the Turian manning the register was taking the brunette lady’s order and was in no hurry to divert his attention elsewhere. He smiled a vaguely uneasy smile at his customer.

“Give me a moment, sir. I’ll be right back.”

“I hope it’ll be with my order”, the man chuckled, leaning on the bar.

Nodding and smiling as he left his post, he took three calm strides towards Garrus and got his attention by putting him in a chokehold.

“Jimmy?! What?!”

Both the brunette lady and his customer watched with interest as the short scuffle took place. Neither man won and nothing was broken, but through a series of short grunts, the situation had become clear to James.

This was all an elaborate ploy perpetrated by none other than their boss, Joker… And Garrus had a small hand in it too. Perhaps.

Flashing the man a reassuring smile, James made his way towards the front entrance of the “Normandy” and immediately saw the source of his confusion. On old-fashioned chalkboard emblazoned with the coffee shop’s name and logo, the special of the day was advertised as followed:

“Hello, I am your barista today and here are some things you should know if you want to order things:

\- I’m flaming hotter than the suns of the entire galaxy combined! Unff man, unff!!! I’m single too!  
\- Check these quality abs and pecs! They are attached to a very single man… if you catch my drift?  
\- I’m also very single! *winkwinknudgenudge*

The special of today:

Smile at me and ask for my number! Did I mention I was single?”

The entire board was plastered with various pictures of him working out shirtless and one picture of him pointing at his abs with a suggestive eyebrow raised that he took to impress a lady-friend a while ago.

James’ feelings on this were mixed. On one hand, he thought it was nice of his friends to try and get him a date like this. On the other hand… he could absolutely murder those little pendejos…


End file.
